The old adage third times a charm doesn’t seem to apply to movies. The charm has all but run out once we reach the third in a series. The proof is even more evident this summer of sequels than at any other time. Regardless of how fantastic the movie franchise is, it seems the third installment, well, stalls. So, in honor of this summer’s ridiculous number of sequels, I’ve decided to name the top ten most terrible three-quels.
This is all based upon my opinion, of course. Feel free to disagree and toss in your two cents. I’ll start at 10 and work my way down to the worst three-quel I’ve ever seen at number one.
10.
Alien 3 (Series: Alien)
Reasons: This is going to sound like a broken record, but I liked the firs two films. The third installment of Ripley’s battle with an alien goes to a prison is along the same lines as porn movies. When in doubt, make the setting in a prison. A prison planet? Even better. Just ask those guys over at Star Trek. They used a prison planet too! Still, this movie isn’t terrible—it just isn’t great, which, in this franchise, it should’ve been.
Of course, the same can be said of all of these movies.
9.
Return of the Jedi (Series: Star Wars)
Reasons: Ewoks. Enough said.
8.
Shrek the Third (Series: Shrek)
Reasons: I like the first two installments of this series, just like The Mummy. Careful planning and character development seemed to disappear with this hastily tossed together smash of a tale. It isn’t even funny, which is one of the things Shrek is known for. You’d think with two comedic greats, Myers and Murphy, anything would be funny.
You’d be wrong.
7.
Men III: The Last Stand (Series: X-Men)
Reasons: I’ve already addressed all the ways this film could’ve been better. Okay, not all the ways, but three main ones. If you want to read that backstory, go
here. With Wolverine and Storm, you wonder how this could go so horribly wrong. An Oscar® winner and a handsome Aussie. I mean, COME ON! Still, it did tank. It didn’t hold a wish of mutant free Earth to the other two previous films.
6.
Austin Powers in Goldmember (Series: Austin Powers)
Reasons: Not sure how Mike Myers ends up on this list twice, but I do like his work. This installment seemed to be tired and worn, like Austin Power’s clothes. It also seemed to be an exercise in how many different characters Myers could play before they all sounded the same. Although I liked Beyonce’s performance, this film had overstayed its welcome at the box office and in my home.
5.
Highlander III: The Sorcerer (Series: The Highlander)
Reasons: I am a fan of Christopher Lambert and of the entire Highlander franchise, but this one was another of those sequels that was made with only the intent to make money. Given a flimsy plot and not much more, Lambert’s character is about as bored as I was watching this. When I can predict what’s going to happen five minutes into the film, it isn’t worth it.
4.
The Scorpion King (Series: The Mummy)
Reasons: Although any time the Rock has his shirt off and is running around all hot and sweaty is a cause to celebrate, his flat delivery of lines coupled with the weak plot didn’t do this cool series any favors. You know it’s bad when special effects can’t help you out.
3.
Spiderman 3 (Series: Spiderman)
Reasons: Hmmm…where do I begin? I had such high hopes for this movie. See my blog post
here. Was it Toby wearing black eyeliner? Nah, it works for him in this film as it does for Depp in Pirates. No, where this film falls flat is in ambition. It’s a long movie, and I don’t like to know a movie is long when I’m sitting in the movie theater. The other problem is that is addresses many more villains than I think prudent for a film. A comic series, yes, you need many, many villains. But a movie? Nope. I still strongly suggest that one villain be enough so that the bad guy’s humanity (if he has any) can be addressed in the story line. Attempting to do that haphazardly or overzealously can leave the audience with the feeling they don’t know anything or/and they haven’t gotten to know anyone. Three is too many (Spidy’s dark side, Venom, and Sandman) for the audience member to take.
2.
Superman 3( Series: Superman)
Reasons: Richard Pryor. Need I say more? True enough I like Richard Pryor and enjoyed some of his jokes, but when you have to call in a comedian to save your movie, an action movie, what else is there? A computer splitting Superman and Clark with synthetic kryptonite. Come on. This, again, was the producers attempting to cash in on the popularity of the franchise. Rushing in instead of taking their time and writing out a good script, revising, etc., they ran with what they had. It’s a shame too, because this was a good series.
1.
Batman Forever (Series: Batman)
Reasons: There is only one reason why this movie reached the worse three-quel ever: Val Kilmer. After Michael Keaton’s dynamic turn as Batman, switching him to a blonde, somber, and let’s face, melancholy Kilmer sucked all the life from the franchise. When the villains are better than the hero, that’s a problem. Carey and Jones do a number on the weak Kilmer and made me root for them! The addition of Chris Connelly didn’t help much for the storyline, but it did give us ladies a bit of eye candy. I was very surprised when they made a fourth one—goodness, if you have to rely on Governor Arnold to be a villain to beef up your film, you should stop now.
That’s how my scorecard tallies. You differ? Post it below.